my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
