just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
