You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize