I am puke
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Randomize
