so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize