I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
