tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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