I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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