who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
