I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wish you could order shots online.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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