ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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