His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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