He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
