fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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