i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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