In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
