i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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