giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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