i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
