i don't plan on having that self control this summer
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
wow bdsm is so cute
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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