who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
