Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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