Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
