Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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