Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
