Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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