Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
