Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
