Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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