I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
40s are totally the cure
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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