I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I should be sponsored by Trojan
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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