saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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