i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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