That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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