walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
