Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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