I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
