her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
