i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize