the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize