you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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