I accidentally burped into my bong.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
