So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize