i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
