I am puke
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize