i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
