Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
