yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
