apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
