Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize