I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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