I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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