oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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