My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
