My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
