I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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