we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
