How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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