If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate all girls vehemently.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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