forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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