i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
