Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
