So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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