I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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