dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you will always have a special place in my vag
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
